~ Clarity ~

About a month ago I was waiting in line at the check-out stand, another errand that was setting me back in my schedule for the day, which presented a sure test with my patience!  The cashier was moving rather slowly, with a sour look on her face - evident of a very foul mood.

She didn't say anything to the customer in front of her that she was helping, except when she announced the total of her purchase as she finished scanning.  Robotically, she went about the motions of bagging her merchandise, without even making eye contact and a
"have a nice day" as the customer was leaving.
  I thought: "what is her problem?" ... totally pre-judging her.

As I moved up to position in front of the cashier - I waited for her to greet me.  Nothing came.  She didn't even look at me as she went about her duty scanning my things.  I decided to take the initiative and said "hello - how are you today?"  She looked up at me, with a surprised look on her face as if she had forgotten a human being was standing in front of her.  Her hesitant reply: "I've had better day's to be honest."  Mine: "Sorry to hear.  I hope it get's better for you."  She looked at me with worried, concerned eyes and then opened up to me as if I were her long-lost friend of the day.  "My brother died suddenly, out of the blue yesterday and they are performing the autopsy right now to find out what happened." 

I stood there in shock - not sure how to respond to this completely un-expected response, as a feeling of shame instantly swept over me for judging her attitude beforehand.  I offered my sincere apologies and then asked her why she was working. She told me that she couldn't bear to be at home right now during this waiting period and wanted to keep her mind occupied with something else.  In that moment, this woman changed right before me -the clouds parted in my fogged up mind and clarity opened my eyes, as my heart completely went out to her. 

She was trying to be strong and hold it together during a devastating time. 

Standing right in front of me, this woman became somewhat of a hero to me that day.  Thoughts rushed in the back of my mind: "there is no way I could be as strong as she is right now" ... as empathy quickly filled within my heart for her.  She went about her work, loaded up my cart and it was I who wished her a good day of sort's ... "I am really sorry for your loss.  I hope things work out. Hang in there."  pretty lame goodbye  on my part I thought as I was leaving - but what do you say, really - at such a time like this?

That experience taught me quite a bit from there on out.  Interestingly, this thought materialized in my mind about a week ago , which reminded me of the story above - and has been repeating itself every day since:

"You must first understand, to understand."

These words have been my companion for the past week, and have really helped me to "see" with better clarity - those around me in their various attitudes - moods - crankiness - impatience.  As I have taken the time to really find out what's going on below the surface - especially with my kids lately - it gives a whole other meaning as to what's behind their annoying behavior. 

The person who cuts people off driving down the road in a hurry - who know's what's really going on in their life.  The neighbor who doesn't wave hello everytime, but instead retreats back into the house ... the moody cashier at the store ... a spouse when they come home from a very long day at work ... the boss who is on edge ... the rude customer service agent on the other end of the phone ... the parent who finds it difficult to show sincere love ... the guilty looking teenager, who aimlessly walks the streets in town every day ... All of these - most likely - have a much deeper layer and meaning underneath that if understood, could bring limitless clarity and understanding ... if we only take the time and effort to really understand.

So, next time.  Take the initiative to understand in whatever circumstance you're pre-judging. 

Who know's - you might just learn something valuable for the rest of your life - and in the process gain a friend who was judged as something else.  Life is too short to not understand each other and build deeper relationships, with your family, friends and - even with a stranger.

♥